Saturday, December 20, 2008

HANNAH MONTANA IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL

Hello Upper California Coasters, I'd just like to say something, HANNAH MONTANA IS SATAN. No other person has more product endorcements than her. Today, while shopping at the always bulk-stocked Costco, I saw a Hannah Montana HAMPER. What. The Fuck? A Hamper?! Jesus Christ and a Cross! For Dior's sake! A hamper? Her face, was on a hamper! Then later at Walgreens, I saw a flashlight. And all of this is raking in millions from the stupid, idiotic, dumb-ass, suburban parents of bitchy little girls who scream and pout and yell if they don't get what they want. All because of THAT BITCH. You see, this is what Disney is now, a money-hungry corporation that churns out 'wholesome' tv shows and crappy and poorly written tv movies. Like High School Musical. Supposedly all these kids LOVE to sing, have never said a curse word in their lives, have never done anything illegal, are all virgins, and NOT gay. Yeah, and I'm not a big homo who wears pearls and CHANEL No.5 daily who's obsessed with Jim Sturgess & John Krasinski and is clinically allergic to Walmart. Disney is not what it used to be, and that is why, I stopped watching the Disney Channel two years ago. So please, please, if you still watch that horrible trash, STOP WATCHING IT. Anyway, I gotta go, I've recently discovered Gossip Girl-Chuck & Dan slash fanfiction (whodathunkit?). Toodles, I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!


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My Odd Obsession with Death, Hollywood, and my need to take over the world that I can't shake

Why do I like to wander cemetaries? Why do I love Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Gene Kelley, Princess Diana, Humphrey Bogart, Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn, Aubrey Hepburn, and, suprisingly, Paris Hilton? Why can't I shake the yearning to take over the world and have the world population wait on me hand and foot, fanning me with enormous palm leaves, and buying me anything I desire. I don't know. Some people call me crazy, psychotic, pyro-maniacal, bi-polar, or insane, but its just me. Over time I'm going to reveal the method to my madness, but for today, all I'm going to reveal is this; My one true goal in life, if the world domination thing doesn't work out, is to be famous for nothing, and be treated like royalty. All I Want to be is, quoting one of the people I just talked about, Loved By You. Every single person alive. I want to be a house hold name. Just you watch, one day I'll be smiling from the center of the stage at Grauman's Chinese.