Hiatus of a Mad Hispanic/Canadian Homo

Yes, I got that title from Diary of A Mad Black Woman, which by the way, was a good movie, but, Tyler Perry, slow down, we're getting an overflow of Madea. Anyway, be thankful for this post, there is currently an internet fiasco in my not-so-fabulous-home, a big mix up of wireless non-existence, dial-up revertion, and clogged phone calls, and this post is coming from another computer. This is simply me, warning you that I might be gone for little while more, dear three readers. Now, you may be asking about Lollipop (if you're slow or have a bad memory, that's my nickname for Jimmy now, so get with the fucking program.JK. That came off a bit mean), well, since you know of my obsession with him, and some of you maybe, hopefully are getting obsessed too, this is just to tie you over for now. Now, I have to check my email, catch up on fan fiction, and other shit, Toodles!

Apparently A Lesbian Lover is Good For Mental Health

Recently, Lilo was spotted on the set of Ugly Betty for her character arch next season as an former popular class mate turned buger flipper. Many have been talking about how Lilo has practically come out of the closet without coming out of the closet. The thing is instead of talking about her sexuality or what her family thinks, the media has been very positive, the buzz being on how Samantha's pressence in her life has made her so much more visibly happier, and more importantly, kept her out of trouble. We all remember Lilo passing out in that car or trying to run over that tree that kept giving her the stink eye, but she's done with the fine white powder, she's into fish. Ooooh, I am sooooo bad. But who's to blame her, I'm into beef. I am soooooooooo bad. MOVING ON! Recently, Brad Pitt expressed how he'll take legal action if the paps get any pictures that are "suspicious". As in getting the picture by buzzing their mansion in a helicopter. MOVING ON! Recently Amy Winehouse made an apperance at Madame Tussauds. I'm kidding, she was too depressed by her hubie's sentence, but how did they snap this pic? Well honey, it's Madame Tussauds, the home of the wax wonders. So, take a good look, this what she'd look like if she quit the pipe. The highlight of the day is when her parents were overheard talking about how they'd rather trade their's in for this one. I'm noticing something though, LiLo, Amy, Kate Moss, other models. What are the two things they have in common? Thin bodies & Crack. So I can't help but get ideas, what is about crack, that makes people so thin? I mean, look around, woman crackheads, thin. Guy crackheads, lanky. They should see if they can isolate whatever does this, put it in pill form, and market it. I would be poppin' those things like candy. MOVING ON! Ethan Hawke had a baby with his new wife, Ryan Shawhughes, Clementine Jane Hawke. I can only hope the baby looks more like the mother, Ethan is no sight for sore eyes. Ok, I better go, not much to report today, although, I just want to mention, try Ono Hawaiian Barbeque, I had some for dinner last nigh, ugh! De-lish! I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!

My So Called Piece of Hot Mess Shit Life

I have nothing to do. Did I tell you I recently discovered the miracle of hairspray? Yes, it's a godesnd. Simply comb, spray, and your do is saved. I Love hairspray now, and that also includes the movie. Oh, I raided my grandmother's jewelry, and I found enough costume jewelry to start a CHANEL boutique. I found this round pendant, and now I'm constantly wearing it, pissing her off. I also got into a bit of a snag at the Burberry website. I really wanted this messenger bag that was only 125 dollars, but yesterday I checked it again, and that's 125 euros. FUCKSHIT. So, I changed the currency, and my expensive yet reasonable bag is 815 U.S. dollars. I am so pissed off. Did you know Eddie Cibrian was born on the same day as my mom. It's true. I'm just so sad because, when he was barely being born, she was 13. My mom is sooooooooooooo old, just like tell her everyday to her face. She's just so old fashioned, she doesn't know the concept of shopping just to shop, doesn't understand my "Valley accent" and how I supposedly "talk too fast", and while she's reaching 50, my friends' parents are at the most pushin' 40. My life is such a hot mess right now, one of my idols is Chelsea Handler, because after reading "Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea", I realized that, no offense Chels, her childhood was awful. And from what I can tell, my childhood is going the same way. There's the whole "gay fiasco", my cheap single mother, language buried, somewhat racist, slighty homophobic, ancient mexican grandfather, my also cheap, a little bit more accepting, not racist, not homophobic, nagging, kind of annoying, grandmother, my colorful array of extended family members, which, once they see a chance, like to fan off to the far corners of the country, away from us, me having family in South Carolina, Michigan, Spain, Cuba, Mexico, Colorado, and Canada, and finally this thing people keep telling me about me having no "empathy". Whatever that is, I really have no idea, and whenever I say that people stare. Well, I'm off to go check E!Online. Toodles!

Calm Down

Ok, I'm pretty sure now that Brit-Brit is ok now, because I still haven't heard anything, and all I want to say is, Meaness! How dare people post stupid lies like that she drove into a brick wall and one of her kids are dead. The sad part is she's enough of a mess I believed it instantly. Brit-Brit, what happened to the days of Toxic? Come on, pull yourself together, maybe one day you'll be able to revert back to the olden days of pop, and all of this we'll just be forgotten, like grandparents now and how they were pot-smoking, bi-sexual, hippies in the 60's. You can bounce back, and this'll just be a scar on your past, and you might even up going the same route as Madonna.

I Heart Jim Sturgess

Did you know that little Jimmy has a website devoted to merchandise about him? Not so bad for someone who's career took off about 9 or 10 months ago. But that's Jimmy, great actor, fabulous looks men would die to have and women (and some men) would die to see in person. Anyway, of course who else would be up 3 am looking at bottles of Chanel No.5 at Macy's.com, reading The Office fan fiction, listening to I Monster's myspace, and gawking at Jim Sturgess all at the same time. Me. Well, I saw, this, and I just HAD to post it to share the eye candy. By the way, they DO have a shirt that say's what I titled this post.

!!!!!OMFG!!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOSH!!!!! I JUST READ ON BRITNEY SPEAR'S MYSPACE, THAT SHE WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND ONE OF HER KIDS ARE DEAD. I WILL POST MORE IF I CAN GET ANYMORE INFORMATION. IT'S NOT ON PEREZHILTON, E!, OR YAHOO, SO IT MIGHT BE FALSE. OH MY GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY SHOOKEN UP BY SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW, 300 MILES AWAY.

P.S.....

........I'm off to try another diet, the water diet. Nothing but water, watermelon, cucumber (ooh, cucumber melon body gel, I need to go shopping), pineapple, apples, you know, fruit. Ok, I better go, it's 10:15, and I've been on the computer since 7:30. I. NEED. TO. GET. A. LIFE.

Stephan Monroe Ravelle: The Playlist: The Music Behind The Homo Blogger

LOL. Anyway, just wanted to let ya know, I'm still alive, just luxuriously lazy about posting. I spent another day reading The Office fanfics and painting my nails black, so, Yay! I guess......Back to the subject! I have very tediously hammered out my personal playlist and have an entire page for it. It is here. I hope you like it's minimalism, LOL. Anyway, bye, I'm off to stare at Jim Sturgess, oh, and by the way, I was to listening to an old song yesterday, Lollipop, and I've decided that if I ever meet Jim Sturgess in person and like actually know eachother (I'm going to be a triple punch, writer, director, actor, duh), I'm gonna nickname him Lollipop. Jim if you're reading this, you may have a bigger fan since, well, there are TWO websites on you, so I'm probably your #1 gay fan. Unlike them, I don't feel the need to kinda, sorta stalk you, staring at a picture of you for hours is fine with me. Ok, I'm babbling again, and speak of the devil, iTunes is playing Lollipop now. God, I feel like such a mental patient, here I am just bluritng out everything, ok, you know what, no more, enough rambling for tonight. Toodles!

BaCkGrOuNd MuSiC

Hello there three people, Gossip Guy just droppin' in to tell you about how MODH has gained some background music from I Monster. I didn't get it directly from them of course, but, I did get it at their ReverbNation page. So.............................................................Enjoy!

DEPRESSION MEDICATION

Today, I got an email with an attached video, that I had to post.

A Sucka For Your Sound

You can listen to I Monster's next single, which I mentioned earlier, on their Myspace. FYI, don't watch the music video, it just ruined the song for me. I mean, come on, speakers having sex? RI-DI-CU-LOUS! And, if you're an idiot, yes, the name of the sing is, A Sucka For Your Sound.

MAKE IT WORK!

Did anyone catch Project Runway, I know I'm a little late, but I saw it yesterday. I can't remember any of their names, but I'm officially rooting for the guy with the plastic cup dress, the girl with the vaccum cleaner bag dress, and the girl with the table cloth and live produce dress. Ooooooooohhh! I'm sooooooooooo excited for this season. God, I really am obviuosly gay. Oh, who gives a fuck! It's PR's last season before they go to Lifetime, and we all know that's just suicide. Lifetime: Where Women's Careers Come To Die.

I'm A Sucka For Romance

Yes, I named this post after I Monster's next single. Anyway, today was probably one of my most pathetic days. Today, I spent all my time reading The Office fan fiction, mostly concerning the ever famous almost-never-happened-but-everyone-loves-it romance between Jim & Pam, or as we hopeless romantics like to call them, PB&J (her last name is Beesly). Now, you might of figured it out by now, but if you didn't, I am, a hopeless romantic. I actually thought Brit-Brit & K-Fed would be forever. I died a little bit inside when they killed Marissa off The O.C. leaving Ryan heartbroken. I nearly burst into to tears at the end of Breakfast at Tiffany's. And I was so pissed off when Dan & Serena broke up on Gossip Girl. You see, we hopeless romantics are the ones that have watery eyes and huge smiles when Tess realizes that she doesn't have to be the most powerful and wanted woman in the world, she's happy as long as Sam loves her and wants her in Woman of the Year, we're the ones that become demonic when you go through the channels, find Sleepless In Seattle, and keep going. We're the ones that feel sympathy when Bud gets stood up by Fran in The Apartment. Now, if you're wondering about the picture, this is the story. John Krasinski and Jenna Fischer who play Jim and Pam, well, their pretty aware of the massive amount of people who want their characters together, and, well, The Office cast has been known pull some stuff. Such as the Entertainment Weekly cover where Kelly and Ryan (from the office) are standing together, Ryan trying to commit suicide. You see, Kelly has been after Ryan for a long time, and when he got a job with corporate, she immediatley got another "boyfriend" to make him jealous. Ryan has absolutley nothing for her. Anyway, we PB&J fans absolutley love the picture because it's something that never happened, but we wish it had. So, basically, I am hopeless, fan fiction reading, romantic comedy loving (don't hate me, one of my favorite movies is Bewitched), PB&J loving, Georgia/Mason loving (dead like me), Pie maker/Chuck loving (Pushing Daisies), romantic. So, if you ever find a romantic movie you would like to recommend, preferably happy-ending, comments are WIDE open. That doesn't mean that's all you can use them for. Leave some comments for once! Your Hopeless romantic, gossip loving, couture and Jim Sturgess obsessed, blogging homo, Stephan Monroe Ravelle.

Ellevarg

My real last name backwards^. Okay, so, I was watching tonight's Fear Itself, and, Oh. My. God. I loved it. It was so good. Ok, so this girl (not really girl, she's like 26, 27, somethin' like that) wakes up on New Year's, and like, everything is covered in blood, so she gets a call on her cell, and it's her friend telling her to come to her place 'cause it's safe, and she sets off to get there and not get eaten by the crazy zombies that are overunning her city. So, along the way, she flashes back to the New Year's party she was at the night before, where her best friend (nerdy guy) admits he's IN love with her, and that her boyfriend, doesn't love her, after he (nerdy guy) lied to her about her boyfriend telling him that he (boyfriend) loves her, because he (nerdy guy friend) can't stand her in pain. This lead to (earlier) her saying she loves him (boyfriend) back, and he's like, "Ok, that's nice". So, back to her in real-life, she finally gets to her friend's apartment, while getting stalked by the zombie version of her nerdy friend (the one that loved her), and as soon as she gets in, she gets shot by her boyfriend. Then, flashback (there was actually more than two flashbacks, you're welcome). As she's leaving the party upset and her nerdy friend is chasing after her, she sees her boyfriend and supposed "friend" making out. So she runs home, swallows a bottle of tequila and a bottle of sleeping pills and lays down to die.Back to real-life, she's on the floor still alive, and her boyfriend shoots her again, and it's revealed that the entire time, she was one of them. So, they think she's dead, when her zombie nerdy friend (the one that confessed his love to her) attacks her boyfriend and kills him, then she gets up, and he (nerdy friend; zombie) walks next to her. They take eachother's hand (sweet moment) and they look into eachother's dead eyes, and the last thing they show, is the two of them holding hands as they approach the slut (her supposed friend) and start to eat her. I mean, in a weird maccabre kind of way, it's romantic. It brings out the both the hopeless romantic and saddistic sides of me (don't worry, saddistic isn'y just crazy, it's technically taking pleasure in other people's pain, i.e. laughing at someone when they trip hurt their nose). Moving on.... I was googling my second obsession, John Krasinski (you can only go to the JSO site so many times in one day), and I found this forum on him and his character on the office, and, ladies, if you ever read this, don't worry, I'm just as insane as you, and I don't care. In fact, people know who I am and my web personality. Besides, there are worse cases, I was reading a Pushing Daisies fanfic, and, the author's notes were, I quote, "I want to kidnapp Lee Pace, strap him to a chair naked, and make him read the phone book to me". Yes everyone, there are people worse than me (the person I just quoted). I mean, I might stare at pictures of Jim Sturgess all day, but if I lived in L.A. , I wouldn't be stalking him. I would locked up inside my room working on one of my scripts, not looking for Jimmy. But, don't get me wrong, if I was at the grocery store, and saw him over at PRODUCE, or FROZEN FOODS, I WOULD, I WOULD. START JUMPING UP AND DOWN, AND RUN TOWARDS HIM SCREAMING WITH CAMERA IN HAND, AND READY TO JUMP HIM, AND STALL HIM SO I CAN CALL OTHER FANS AND TELL THEM WHERE I WAS, SO WE COULD AMBUSH HIM AND GET PICTURES THAT WE WOULD CHERISH UNTIL THE DAY WE DIE! Well, I better go, I probably shouldn't keep going before I start ranting. By the way, I'm thinking about a new signature. Loser says wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

"When God Created Robert Pattinson, He Was Showing Off"....

.....is what some of the "Twihards" have been saying about the movie adaptation of Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight". In a recent (well not so recent, but fuck it) Entertainment Weekly, she spills on the movie, the last book of the Twilight series, and how she might have a lot more than just a vampire series under her belt in a few years. A friend who wrote the Princess Academy series told Meyer, "I'm So Proud of You! Because we're not sure if J.K. Rowling is a one-hit wonder" she said on Meyer's other new book, The Host, a completely different novel, "But You're Not!". Ouch, J.K.'s probably pissed by that. Meyer also revealed that she has a nearly complete remake of Twilight, Midnight Sun, which is in the vampire's point of view, a started ghost story called Summer House, two sequels to her recent The Host, and an untitled story involving time travel that she just figured out how to end. All this with Twilight coming out in December, and Breaking Dawn, the finisher to the Twilight series coming out this August 2nd. I actually haven't read the books, but there's a total bitch I know, that's OBSESSED with it (more than my obsession with Jimmy) and if I can get her to stop bitching, might ask her what the fuck it's about. One more thing though, you know how Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were locked in as casted? They did a screen test.............for a love scene...................on the director's bed. A.W.K.W.A.R.D.

DONKEY

"C!S!S! SUXX! C!S!S! SUXX!" is the lyrics to the first song of CSS's first album, which, in a few days, won't be alone. CSS, Cansei de Ser Sexy (brazilian=english:'tired of being sexy') is the band behind the famous iPod Touch commercial that throttled them into the International spotlight, and now, with their growing fan base, they're due to drop their second album, "Donkey" on July 21st. From what I've heard on their myspace, it's pretty good. What I'm wondering though, is, is it going to be on iTunes when it drops? Because. that's where I get my music, for those of you that have songs that when someone asks, Oh! It just dropped out of the sky and fell into your fucking iPod. Personally, I feel cheap when I download for free, and, obviously, I was meant for bigger things. I was meant to walk down the red carpet at the Academy Awards while my staff attacked PEETA crazies who're trying to get some red on my 300,000 dollar Fox coat. That's NOT FAUX, that's Fox, as in the wild animal that's in the same animal family as the dog, and, yes, if the fur looked good enough, I would skin a dog, and wear it. Just like how I want bald-eagle golf club cozies and a massive hallway lined with antlers like in "The Illusionist". Anyway, back on subject, you can pre-order at the myspace, and remember, July 21st. Toodles!

The Hawtness Scale

Dear Readers, god, I sound like a "Dear Abby" column, anyway, I just wanted to bring to your guys' attention (all three of you), that I will beginning the "Ravelle Hawtness Scale". Now, Kyra, if you're reading this, I'm borrowing your idea, ok, you can take it back if you want, but just to put it out there, you only did one hawtness scale video, so, you could say that the Hawtness Scale has moved. Just like Buffy, which changed from FOX to UPN after 4 seasons. Whatever, anyway, I'll update every week, well, kinda, Jim is going to always be at the top of the list (notice Jonathan Togo is nowhere in sight, I can't even eat at Togo's. although I never did, I thought it was a cheap and trashy deli).

P.S. Don't go to El Torito, I think I have Montezuma's revenge (hispanic to valley: montezuma's revenge=upset stomach and, well, you know, a lot of use of the bathroom. no, idiots, not food poisoning, this comes, ONLY, from mexican food).

Sexual Harrasment

Today, I was going through my old Chelsea Lately Podcasts, when I found this little gem. This is the reason why I love Chelsea Handler (Han-dl-er, ok you dumbasses that think her last name is "Lately"), she just does anything she feels like. kinda like me, only I have limitations thanks to an annoying and cheap family. Anyway, this was after the story of the governor and the whore, when Chelsea talks about how "A Sexually Harrased staff is a happy staff".

By the way, does anyone think the guy she puts her hands down his pants is cute? I think he's Chelsea's REAL assistant. I mean, have you ever actually seen Chuy doing anything "Assistant-y". Well, I'm off to check on my CHANEL podcast. Toodles!

Addicting

Do You See What I Mean Addicting? I've probably said it before, but it's those eyes and that smile just make me want to hug him (call that stalking and I'll stalk you bitch, I'll stalk you till you kill yourself from the fear!). (swoon-y sigh) Oh well, I can never have him, there's that Mickey (girlfriend) and the difference in "teams". Although, if I can't have him, he at least deserves better than that Mickey. What does she have a squeeky voice and wears a blue dress with big black mouse ears? I better go before I start ranting again. One question though, is 58 dollars a lot for sunglasses? Because my cheap-ass-betch of a mom thinks so. I will steal that credit card if she keeps this up. Betch.

Gum

I don't know why I'm doing it, but I just have to sound, off, about Orbit's flavor Maui Melon Mint. I just LOVE IT. I have been chewing it since last month (don't worry, it's not the same piece), it's just addicting. More addicting than Jim Sturgess. Right now, I have a wad of five pieces in my mouth, and I'm chewing like a goat. The thing is, all my friends think it's disgusting, but I have this habbit, where I pull part of my gum out of my mouth, and twirl it around my fingers. And I am soooooooooo good at it now. I can make dream catchers, spiderwebs, and other stuff, although after a few seconds I just pull it back in with my teeth and tongue, but whatever. I don't know what started my craving for gum, but I love it, and I will chew it till' the day I die. I'll even teach my kids about it. Hopefully, they'll be gum twirlers too, Leeland, Soylynn, Lemon, Melon, Taffy, Strawberry, and Candy. Yes, I really am going to name my children that. My mom says she's gonna make fun of Soylynn and call her "Soylent Green".

Life in Bitchy Diva Lane

Hello Upper West Coasters, Gossip Guy here, and Kimora Lee Simons has recently switched lanes from the Fab Lane to the Bitchy Diva Lane, to which I say, "Welcome!". Recently she was spotted at LAX with an enormous pile of Louis Vuitton luggage, so big if it was hollowed out you could probably fit 4 people. Besides breaking the backs of the luggage handlers and probably spending hundreds of dollars on the new luggage fees, somehow, even though she's catered to, hand and foot, she managed to get pissed off. First of all, you don't go diva in an outfit like that honey, and Second of all, do something! Naomi has the phones, throw a laptop! Do something! Spit on them! YOU! ARE! A! DIVA! Make it known to EVERYONE. Push them on the ground and pee on them. I know when I go diva (or divo, although divo sounds stupid, I mean , besides, I'm a gay. you know what, I'll go with diva) I will make them suffer. I will throw things, I will shove their heads into the table, I will be demanding. I will intentionally confuse them. I will treat them like dirt. MOVING ON BITCHES! It's time for a reminder. Project Runway, the show I just sadly started watching, will kick off his last season on Bravo this Wednsday, July 16. Watch What Happens. MOVING ON! Things aren't going too well in the rest of California right now. The governator was spotted going to church yesterday, in a Hummer. Yes, H-U-M-M-E-R. The giant gas-guzzling beast, right after he threw some not so nice comments towards Bush about not trying to help Global Warming. Then (oh, it gets better)he parked on a red curb, yes, a firelane. Help! Someone! Our governor is become our local Bush! To add insult to the already bonfire of mistakes and upsets, he looks like a cross-bred austrian-soumoian (I probably mispelled that) with the horribly disgusting tropical shirt, and, oh my, red pants? Well, it's time to commit state-wide suicide, being the most glamorous state with a wardrobe-ly challenged governor. I hope he still isn't in office when I create my California Superbowl Half-time commercial. Let's just say it'l envolve vistas from around places in the state like San Francisco, L.A., Bodega Bay, the green belt, Lake Tahoe, the motherload, the sierra, Yosemite, Death valley, the redwood forest, Mt. Shasta, Hollywood, Hearst Castle, Santa Catalina, Highway 1, the Hotel Del Coronado, and finally the (by then completed) California sign. Which will be erected on the hills near the coast. The commercial will take up the entire commercial break, three minutes long, and will end with the california sunset, not looking at the sunset though, but at me, in a lounge pose with the California sign in the background. Well, enough of my rambling, I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!

Welcome to the World!

Hello Upper West Coasters, Gossip Guy here, and Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt have been born. That's right, Brangelina had the twins, a boy and a girl (am I seeing a trend? Look at JLo's kids) late Saturday evening. Their doctor gave a press conference this morning and said that Brangelina was very calm in the delivery room, laughing and crying tears of joy. Laughing? You may be asking. Well, if any of you out there ever have kids, get an epidural. From what I understand, it makes it feel like the kid(s) fall right out of you. The thing is, many are wondering how many children are going to be named Knox or Vivienne now. E! reports that after the birth of Shiloh in 06', it became the top baby name in america, just like the name Maddox did in 03'. What I'm wondering though is what's in store for their children. I mean, Shiloh, Knox, and Vivienne come from the two most beautiful and talented people on earth. One, ok, a gay can only hope that Knox gets his father's looks, or maybe even turns out gay or bi-sexual. Thinking about the future though, Angie seems in no hurry to stop having children, making me wonder about Brad, who probably won't look old until he hits 60, and his, uh, "stamina". Because, if Brangelina's still poppin' out kids by the time I intend to start my lengthy scheduel of hiring surogates and having children, well, playdate! Who knows, one day you might hear about the wedding of Taffy Ravelle (boy, in case you're confused by the name) and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt. Well, I've done enough psychotic babbling (is it normal to think out loud when no one seems to be listening to you talking?) for today. By the way, yes. I have noticed my mistake on the post before.I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!

Are There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea.....

...........and Stephan. That's right, I said it. You see, I 've predicted my future, and you know what I see after age 45? Being sober when I'm drunk, drunk when I'm sober, toting around a martini glass and a long Tiffany & Co cigarette holder, wearing all black with constant over-sized sunglasses. Anyway, I finally finished Chelsea's "Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea" and, oh my god, I loved it. From her fake movie career when she was 8, to her constant pot smoking while in Costa Rica with her dad who got first-class tickets on the plane by saying it's their honeymoon. From what I can tell, her life is one big piece of shit. That, is a completely serious compliment. How? Because, after reading her book, I've realized that my life is almost as big as her's piece of shit. Recently, i came out of my closet to my mother, her response was, "Ok, I kinda already had an idea". I mean, am I that fucking obvious? I guess so, my grandmother (who hasn't actually been told yet) gives me these strange looks once in a while, specifically whenever I do something that is considered gay. Also, I recently found out that my family history involves drugs, alcoholism, narcicism (big surprise), racism, abuse, and suspicious deaths. Moving away from my horribly scarred family, Chelsea just has this manner of telling stories that is all her own. From calling her father "bitch-tits" & "Shamu", to her detraction (almost disgust) of red-headed men, one whom she slept with in one of her stories to "know what it's like". Out of five stars, I give it six & a half. Well, I'm off to go to dream land (sleep, idiot) where hopefully I will see either, Jim Sturgess, Callum Blue, Jamie Bell (I really am going british), James Lafferty, or Macy's. What? I can dream that my cheap ass mom will actually take me shopping for once, instead of a browse at Sunglasses Hut, leaving me pissed and leaving empty handed. Toodles and Nighty Night (look at the time posted bitch).

I'm Your Fire, at Your Desire!

Hell0 tHere, It's your's truly, Gossip Guy, and I'm going to make a confession. My favorite song right now is from the 70's. Yes, that's right, 70's (demonic voice). I don't know how it happened, one minute I'm watching OTIS (which I never got to finish watching thanks to the japanese company that posted it on the internet forgetting to post part 3, but posting part 4), the next I'm listening to Shocking Blue's, "Venus". Basically though, it's my future theme song, I mean, "A Goddess on a mountaintop, was burning like a silver flame. The summit of beauty in love, and Venus was her name", that, is, just, what, I, want, to, describe me in the future. I want to be the epitomy of glamour and the revival of Old Hollywoodland (as I intend to attend [oh my god that rhymes!] every award show and party dressed in fur and a tuxedo, comlete with plant and flower decorated hats. I even have an idea for loafers with heels, intended for the gayest of the gays [like me], plus I'll only be arriving in only cars made before 1939, preferably the Bugatti Royale). I don't know why no one's ever remade this song, it would be great, -GASP-, CSS should remake it! It would be the greatest remake ever, blowing Bananarama's version out of the water (I don't know who they are, I just know they remade it). It would make me happy long enough to hold me over until I see Jim Sturgess in person, after which I would die happy, well of course after I've become a celebrity and go through a fifty-year career. How am I gonna have a fifty-year long career? Plas-tic-sur-ger-y. UhDuh! I just don't wanna end up like Joan Rivers or Michael Jackson. Michael won't even admit to his obvious nose job, but Joan once said, "Honey, this face has seen more knives than a benihana". Actually, one of my friends has actually said that she want's to become the first actress to moonlight as a plastic surgeon, me and my sworn frienemy already guranteed botox treatments for our 45th birthdays. I might gossip later, but I Love Lucy is on. Fuck Off, I'm Out. Worship Me Bitches!


By the way, nevermind that thing about the double underline green links, apparently that was just my computer.

WHAT?! YOU THINK I WOULDN'T NOTICE?!

Recently, I've found out that my blog is now plagued by these annoying little links. They're double underlined, and green. God Damn it! I will not become some billboard for another company's shit like getting your degree at DeVry! What do you have to do to get in?! Open the door? Look, this is just a warning for you, my dear, three or four readers, BEWARE THE DOUBLE UNDERLINE LINKS! BEWARE! THEY ARE NOT MINE! BEWARE!

Thank You,
Stephan Monroe Ravelle

Meet Lesley Hornby

Hmmm, I'm noticing a trend here. I'm kinda, sorta half-stalking Jim Sturgess (half because I'm not gonna jet around the world chasing him, I'm not that obsessed), one of my new interests of the sexy male department is Callum Blue, I'm listening to I Monster like crazy, and now, my idol is Twiggy. Yup, I'm going british crazy, so Prince William, watch out, you're gonna get a show at your coronaton (which I BETTER be invited too once I establish my career in Hollywoodland). Some of you may be wondering, who the F%&# is Twiggy? Twiggy if you're reading, I love you, but your career started 40 years ago, not very evident to my fellow teen people, who may or may not get a mass email/advertisment for my blog. Anyway, Lesley Hornby is famous for being the first size 1 model, and it was all natural, I think. Thus, when she was discovered in 1967, she was nicknamed, "Twiggy", which, I'm not sure or not, but might actually be her legal name now. For some years she was the epiphany of London's Mod culture, modeling the latest mod clothing around London. I personally think she is my new idol, so, to celebrate her, I'm going on the "Twiggy Diet". Vegetable snacks for every meal, and nothing else. Ice chips if I start to starve. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm gonna return to gazing at Jimmy S. and reading Dead Like Me fan fiction. Goodbye Betches.