WHAT?! YOU THINK I WOULDN'T NOTICE?!

Recently, I've found out that my blog is now plagued by these annoying little links. They're double underlined, and green. God Damn it! I will not become some billboard for another company's shit like getting your degree at DeVry! What do you have to do to get in?! Open the door? Look, this is just a warning for you, my dear, three or four readers, BEWARE THE DOUBLE UNDERLINE LINKS! BEWARE! THEY ARE NOT MINE! BEWARE!

Thank You,
Stephan Monroe Ravelle

Meet Lesley Hornby

Hmmm, I'm noticing a trend here. I'm kinda, sorta half-stalking Jim Sturgess (half because I'm not gonna jet around the world chasing him, I'm not that obsessed), one of my new interests of the sexy male department is Callum Blue, I'm listening to I Monster like crazy, and now, my idol is Twiggy. Yup, I'm going british crazy, so Prince William, watch out, you're gonna get a show at your coronaton (which I BETTER be invited too once I establish my career in Hollywoodland). Some of you may be wondering, who the F%&# is Twiggy? Twiggy if you're reading, I love you, but your career started 40 years ago, not very evident to my fellow teen people, who may or may not get a mass email/advertisment for my blog. Anyway, Lesley Hornby is famous for being the first size 1 model, and it was all natural, I think. Thus, when she was discovered in 1967, she was nicknamed, "Twiggy", which, I'm not sure or not, but might actually be her legal name now. For some years she was the epiphany of London's Mod culture, modeling the latest mod clothing around London. I personally think she is my new idol, so, to celebrate her, I'm going on the "Twiggy Diet". Vegetable snacks for every meal, and nothing else. Ice chips if I start to starve. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm gonna return to gazing at Jimmy S. and reading Dead Like Me fan fiction. Goodbye Betches.

I Monster

Gossip Guy here, and I Have a new musical obsession (if you think it's Jim Sturgess, you're too late, I already fall asleep to the soundtrack). I Monster. It's like nothing you've ever heard, in every good way possible. You've probably heard their music too, one of their music's more known uses is the Spring Dress commercial for Macy's in 2007. If you go to their myspace, there are a couple of songs to listen too which I think are from their next album, and a said song from said commercial, "Daydream in Blue". You know, what other band do you know decorates their website and myspace to look like the acid trip of a british Emo (speaking of british, I'm obsession cheating. There's a certain dead [if you watch Dead Like Me you know what I'm talking about] brit by the name of Callum Blue, uh, HOTNESS!). Especially their song, "Lust for a Vampyr". "Heaven" and "A Sucker for Your Sound" being tied for #2 on my list, all three of which remind me of Dead Like Me. Now, if you go and start looking up Dead Like Me, and happen upon some fan fiction, I'm a Georgia/Mason person. Anyway, back to I Monster, despite the psychadelic music they create, they can have a real sense of humor (hello, Mr. Mallard^), tthe only EP they have available on iTunes, "As Long as there Is You and Me" being a display of that, christmas decorations moved to resemble something crazy women cut off of cheating men. Listen to them!

For All The Straight Men (If Any)

Well, the "nGelina" of "Brangelina" has put up one of her leather coats up for auciton for charity. So, if you're a straight guy obsessed with her as much as I'm obsessed with Jim Sturgess, a woman who hates her and wants to prove you look better, an idolizing female who wants to be "Just Like Her" or a lesbian stalker, you better cough up at least, AT LEAST, three grand, and be anorexic, she's an extra-small. Personally, if I had the money, I'd buy it, let that money go to charity, then sell it before my 70th birthday to get some work done to look 25 again. Am I a planner or what? Snip! Snip! Hmph, reminds me of that song "Perfect Lie" by The Engine Room. It's the theme song to "Nip/Tuck" something straight men might wanna see as they're very loose with the television censorship. I just watch it and wait for the guys to show up, although I did like the episode with the Number #1 Marilyn Monroe impersonator, what can I say, my role-models are Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Jean Harlow, and Mae West. Ok, I better go before I keep babbling uncontrolably. Toodles!

(whispering quickly) OBSESSION

Once again, I spent another hour staring at the JSO gallery and I just had to post this picture. I'm amazed I haven't made a Shrine to Jim yet, Do you think I'm a little TOO obsessive? Well, go ahead and enjoy the sweet, sweet, eye candy. Who could resist that adorable smile and those big brown eyes?

Once I Had A Love, It Was A Gas

Hello Upper West Coasters, Gossip Guy Here. If you're wondering about today's title, well, after a five day hiatus (or was it more?), I was kinda title-idea dry, so, if you're still wondering, it's part of the lyrics to my only favorite song of the 80's, Heart of Glass. Well, getting down to business, George Carlin has died, yes, the man (who most of you who are reading this have never heard of) who was first to say the famous phrase "motherfucker" on television has died. He was 71, starting his career on The Tonight Show with Johny Carson in 61' (or was it 59'?), performing all the way up to a week ago at a New York comedy club. Well, you may not know who he is, but just remember that if it wasn't for him, you would have a problem with me just blurting out, ASSFUCK! MOVING ON! Recently, E!Online wanting to be fair to the celebrities they show half or almost completely naked daily on their website, have offered up one of their own as a sacrifice, posting photos of The Soup's Joel McHale taking a dip in a pool in Oahu, which if you're retarded or just fucking stupid, is in Hawaii. Now, besides the fact he's with his two year old son, Edward, he's definitly a sight for sore eyes, hopefully proving I'm not crazy for have founding him slightly hot, maybe even sexy the past 5 years that I knew of E!'s existence, although I've only known the whole "I think I'm a fag" thing for about a year and a half now, which doesn't exactly add up, but what the fuck, who gives a shit about math. Click here for the funny family man pics, or should I say pecs? Oooooh, I'm bad. MOVING ON! At a recent court hearing, Brit-Brit was given more visitation rights, ergo, sleepovers, which is hopefully good news for the recent rumors that Brit-Brit poured he heart out to K-Fed to get back together and is seriously thinking about it. Now, some may say it's just getting crackheads back together, but, at least they're a family, I mean, no one can be worse than Amy Winehouse, her lungs filled with gunk. Oooohhhhh, I'm bad. MOVING ON! Amy Winehouse was revealed to have (something, can't remember name) and has, has to STOP, drugs or else she'll die. What a great wake-up call. MOVING ON! Heidi Montag has recently released a new single, and, at first I hated it, but then, don't hate me, I kinda liked it. "Oooooooooooh, La, La, La, We Love, Designers". Listen to it for yourself: "Fashion". Well, Blogger is gonna go down for a while now, so.....I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!

Some Like It Hot

Despite the fact I'm writing the remake, I love Some Like It Hot. It is so funny, it was called "The Funniest Comedy of All Time". That's right all time. One of the reasons I seem to love it though, is the Marilyn Monroe factor. Of course you know of my love for the song "I Wanna Be Loved By You" and how I'm planning on singing it at the 85th Annual Academy Awards (oh wait, you don't know that), but it's just, I don't know, I just love it. If you've never seen it, it's about two guys, Joe and Jerry, two musicians working at a speakeasy during the prohibition. After the place gets busted, they have to find work, but witness a mob killing trying to get to an audition. Fearing for their lives, they crossdress and join an all girl band on it's way to Florida, meeting Sugar Kane (Marilyn) along the way on the train, which by the way leads to a sleeping car berth cocktail party. In Florida, they learn Sugar is desperate for a rich Sugar daddy. Getting an idea, Joe becomes a double agent, posing as the rich, yet somewhat seclusive playboy heir to Shell Oil Company in order to woo Sugar. Meanwhile, the Jerry finds himself being come on to by an old rich widower. At first he tries to shoo him, then goes along with it when he finds out the real numbers to the old bat's fortune. Things are going well until the hotel is host to a gathering of the "Lovers of the Italian Opera Association", a clever cover for the Chicago-Italian Mafia. The end leading to a wild goose chase between the three of them, ending with the four in the rich old bat's boat, Joe and Sugar together, and Jerry revealing he's a man, the old koot saying one of the most popular phrases in history, "Well, nobody's perfect". You can see why I love this movie. If you're as interested in The Golden Era of Hollywood as I am, watch this movie or die. I swear to god you'll love it!WATCHitBITCH!
Joe romances Sugar
Jerry sacrifices dignity for millions
The boys turned girls in their draggy glory

CHANEL-Cruise 2008-9

Hello bitches, it's been slow today, plus I've had to be on birthday duty all day, so, to entertain you for now, I present the Chanel podcast; Cruise 2008-9-the end.

(european accent) NO PICTURES

Hello bitches, your probably wondering why I was absent today. Well, as you all know, the 15th is father's day, and although I haven't seen my father in 8 years (no, I am not ghetto, I live in Pacific Gardens), I still have a grandfather, plus, to make things more annoying, tomorrow is my grandfather's birthday, then the 18th is my mother's. It's times like this when I thank god I have a second birthday via mexican culture (yes, I'm mehican, no, it's not a typo), Dia De San Esteban, the day when everyone in my family worships me. Apparently some guy in Mexico came over some hill and saved some village. Well, I'm off to write, I have a new idea for a novel about a young married couple who die in 1925 and start haunting their house- that they only lived in for 1 year before they died-when a family moves in after the house has been empty for 85 years. That's all I have so far. I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!

The Office

Hello Upper West Coasters, Gossip Guy here, and Rashida Jones might be starring in the much buzzed about Office spin-off. Or, might not be. NBC insists she's going to be on the spin-off while her reps say they've never gotten any contact from NBC. So, judging by the situation, don't get your hopes up. Although no one knows exactly who will be in the spin-off, or what'll it be about, many have guessed as to what they would want it to be. Personally, I hope Dwight gets transferred, Pam gets promoted to salesman, and gets the desk next to Jim. Footsy, and dropping pencils to kiss under the desk ensues. Meanwhile in the spin-off, Dwight is dealing with a new branch in the countryside where everyone acts like him, and Pam's old position has been taken by Rachael Harris' character, and instead of giving in to Michael's sometimes idiotic requests like Pam, she talks some sense into him which leads to an awkward dominatrix situation at least once an episode. MOVING ON! Recently Dr. Drew Pinsky (the man behind celebrity rehab and Oprah's go-to guy for psychiatric advice) commented that people drawn to so-called religions (cults, or I'm gonna admit, Hiltonism), often have issues with childhood trauma, neglect, or (the most probable for me) mental illness. Besides me, his comment very much insulted Tom Cruise, a very large advocate for the church of Scientology, or as most other religions call it, the church of B.S. Pushing Tomcat to call up his lawyers. Well, I'm still waiting for the Popo to drag Tomcat away in a straight jacket, so, cross your fingers. MOVING ON! Sorry for the little posting today, but today was restock the house day, and I was dragged to every bulk club, grocery store, and discount department store in town. Plus, I'm really tired, I didn't fall asleep until 5:36 this morning. I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!

THE BITCHES ARE GETTING MARRIED!

Hello Upper West Coasters, Gossip Guy here with BREAKING NEWS, the bitchy idiots Spencer and Heidi are getting married, and on tv. Yes, I know, they are soooooooooooooooo annoying, god I wish they would just die! Look at us over here! Blah, Blah, Blah! Did you know that Spencer had 20,000 dollars worth on his taxes for PAYING, the paparazzo's to take pictures of him. These people shouldn't be getting married they should be getting hung from the "H" of the Hollywoodland sign. MOVING ON! Last time we heard from Lily Allen, she had miscarriage barely 3 months into her pregnancy, now, she's gotten over it, in L.A, and now a fellow blogger. But, people are still worried, I quote her comments on the photogs,"They were perfectly pleasant, in fact, we had a bit of a laugh with them and I quite fancied one of them". Many, many, people are worried that Adnan is going to strike again, or has already struck, Lilys a pinkhead now, and we all remember the famous wig worn by Brit-Brit soon after she met Adnan. MOVING ON! Apparently Justin Timberlake is well endowed, he says that after his Love Guru character, Jacques "Le Coq" Grande, he wants to play comedic roles that envolve, um, the size of his, "Le Coq". Obviously, he's joined the Hollywood "I Love Myself Club", and all I have to say is, "Welcome!". MOVING ON! (and glancing at my reflection) Apparently, (insert Justin Timberlake singing here) Madonna is going to have all her secrets spilled, because her brother, Christopher Ciccone has signed a book deal to detail his life growing up with the now world famous pop diva, whom I'm suprisingly not that into. I guess I do one thing for the stereotype. Anyways, I'm actually looking forward to this, because, after Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea (which I'll post a review on when I finish reading it) I am going straight to celebrity memoirs! Besides, celebrities are either stupid, or not really interested writing, so the memoirs are short (I said usually, I still think you're smart Chelsea, well, at least smarter than me, which I realize could still be an insult). Well, I Love the 80's is on, and I just realized I actually do like the 70's and 80's. See you for the nightly post. I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!

Dirt Bites the Dust

Hello Upper West Coasters, Gossip Guy here, and it looks like Courtney Cox is out of an acting job. FX's Dirt, a show about a magazine editor who'll do anything to get the best picture, even if it's technical stalking has been canned. Personally, I never saw the show, but I just love the dress in that picture. Something about huge, overly large, long-trained dresses sits with me. MOVING ON! In a recent sighting, Paris has proved that celebrities are people too, when she decided on Cap'n Crunch instead of Lucky Charms at small grocery store in old Hollywoodland. For once she's waking up with the guy the night after. Oh wait, Benji. MOVING ON! Recnt rumours that Miley Montana was dating a 22 year old back-up dancer (Brit-Brit all over again) were dispelled when BFF Mandy told Ryan Seacrest "she's totally single". Happily, MOVING ON! There's also been rumors of a Gossip Girl spin-off, centering around Little Jenny Humphrey, but that was also sadly dispelled by Josh Schwartzman who I'll never forgive for killing Marissa on The O.C. And I definitly will never forgive him for breaking up Serena and Dan, well, that was your high noon post, see you round' five-ish. I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!

One Last Thing

I just wanted to say, that, I haven't read the Pushing Daisies wikipedia page in a while, and, they approved the new season on my birthday! That's right bitches, I share my birthday with the inventor of the light bulb, and Rachel from Friends.

Nocturnal Ramblings

God,I just can't seem to sleep, from thinking about Jimmy^, to my new novel about Santa Clause and Cupid (who's a woman in my story) having a love child, leaving him at an orphanage to find him as the Santa at Macy's 30 years later. That one will star Ben and Mischa as the holiday mascott offspring and his love interest in the movie version. Hopefully I can write a novel where movie version's cast will include Jimmy. You know, I wonder which he prefers, Jim, or Jimmy. Well, I like Jimmy. As I sit here on my bed, laptop in front of me, and watch t.v, I wonder why I watch shows like Becker. Do you know any teenagers who watch Becker, or The Office, or Pushing Daisies (which I am soooo excited about, next season). Sometimes I wonder if I was meant for this life. I mean , I just feel like I'm meant for something soooooooooo much bigger. I mean I watch stuff like that, while my friends watch "The Wizards of Waverly Place", which I didn't know what it was until I stumbled upon it on iTunes looking for Waverly Hills Sanitorium. Well, once again, I'm going to attempt to get up early, so, Nighty Night.

Don't Hate Me, But......

.........Doesn't Ed Westwick look a least a little bit like Rudolph Valentino, I mean, maybe even a tiny bit, the eyes, the nose, anything. I just see likenesses a lot.