Monday, June 9, 2008

Hello Baby Warren/Alba!

Hello Upper West Coasters! Gossip Guy here, and Jessica Alba has delivered her baby! That's right, healthy baby-girl, Honor Marie Warren was born to the 27 and 29 year old in the wee hours of Sunday morning. Here's to a new girl! Now, it isn't that I don't care about her, but, I have gossip to report, so..........MOVING ON! Jessica-to-the-Simpson has decided to, cough, cough, start a lingerie line. Now is it just me, or is Jessica a little desperate for Tony's attention. You know, on the subject of Sexual innuendos, I really hope John and Jen (A. & M. duh!) end up together, married and have a bunch of little musicians and friends. And the two die together in a quick and painless plane crash sometime in the future, so you know, they die old, but won't die young, plus they'll be together. (Glassy eyes) God, I am such a hopeless romantic it isn't funny. I mean just look at the days of Hollywoodland, Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn, Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, I'm still waiting for the next famous romantic Hollywood couple. Now some of you may be screaming, Brangelina! Jen & Ben! Maybe even David & Courtney, but there just are'nt any couples now that are as romantic, loving, and have such a screen pressence as some of the couples of the Golden Era, or maybe even better, the Platinum Era. I'm just saying......MOVING ON! Tori Spelling was checked into Sedar Sinai yesterday for his schedueled C-Section, getting on the same band-wagon as Jessica. Now, I don't know much about the pregnant man, but why did he pick the same hospital, and the same day as Jessica? I bet he schedueled it the day before, getting the spot just because, "He's Tori Spelling!". And did it to get the same attention as Jessica who's obviously a bigger star and will hopefully be in one of the movies I'm writing as Jonathan Togo's charcater's love interest (What? There is nothing wrong when you cast the movie version of the novel your writing). UGH! MOVING ON! Leonardo DiCaprio (who was hotter in his Titanic days in my opinion) has been set to star in the new biopic, Atari, the story of Nolan Bushnell, the inventor of the then famed video-game console who was forced out of the company when it went big, only to find wealth again as the founder of Chuck E. Cheese's. Despite looking absolutely fugly with a beard in this blogger's opinion, he's also going to star in House of Lies, due out this October, and Revolutionary Road with is nautical love, Kate Winslet. MOVING ON! Coming 2013 (thankfully after the supposed end of the world) is Brokeback Mountain: The Opera. Yes, that's right, O-P-E-R-A. Frankly, I see it flopping (now pun intended), as 1, you can't make up this shit, and 2, what, are you going to hear falcettos during the tent scene? I honestly think this going to be worse than the Spiderman musical, although lot's of things could be worse than the Spiderman musical, as Jim Sturgess could be the star, and frankly, I've dumped Jonathan Togo as my obsession, my new obsession is all Jim. I just love his cute baby face, and adorable smile. MOVING ON! (before I start babbling about him) Recently, Suri Cruise was the hostess with the mostest at a recent celebrity playdate with guests suck as Brooklyn, Romeo, and Cruz Beckham. Well, let's hope she becames a socialite and not a caged, personality-less, actress. Anyway, I need to do other things besides this, like gawk at Jim Sturgess, or watch reruns of Friends. I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!

My Odd Obsession with Death, Hollywood, and my need to take over the world that I can't shake

Why do I like to wander cemetaries? Why do I love Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Gene Kelley, Princess Diana, Humphrey Bogart, Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn, Aubrey Hepburn, and, suprisingly, Paris Hilton? Why can't I shake the yearning to take over the world and have the world population wait on me hand and foot, fanning me with enormous palm leaves, and buying me anything I desire. I don't know. Some people call me crazy, psychotic, pyro-maniacal, bi-polar, or insane, but its just me. Over time I'm going to reveal the method to my madness, but for today, all I'm going to reveal is this; My one true goal in life, if the world domination thing doesn't work out, is to be famous for nothing, and be treated like royalty. All I Want to be is, quoting one of the people I just talked about, Loved By You. Every single person alive. I want to be a house hold name. Just you watch, one day I'll be smiling from the center of the stage at Grauman's Chinese.