Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Smurftastic!

Hello Upper West Coasters! Gossip Guy here, and it's gettin' smurfy up in hur! That's right bitches, Columbia & Sony Pictures have purchased the rights to the little blue shits and are hoping for it to have a bigger comeback than Winnie the Pooh back in 03'. Well, let's all hope it falls through faster than Tom Cruise's next movie. Because let's face it, the only way the Smurfs are entertaining is if your 5 or high on dope and/or crack. Obviously the last time I saw it was when I was 5, either that or there would be a lot of obvious spelling and grammar mistakes. MOVING ON! As I type, I'm watching Christine by Stephen King, and, wow. That car is a crazy bitch. I mean, hello, the car locked the dude's girlfriend inside, put on love music, then tried to strangle her. MOVING ON! Apparently Mimi besides getting emancipated is tripping over her shitty feet in Havaii, shooting the music video for her new single, which, from what I'm told, is something along the lines of Me Love You Long Time. Well, it's only high noon, see you around the evenin' time. I'm Out, Worship Me Bitches!
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My Odd Obsession with Death, Hollywood, and my need to take over the world that I can't shake

Why do I like to wander cemetaries? Why do I love Marilyn Monroe, James Dean, Gene Kelley, Princess Diana, Humphrey Bogart, Spencer Tracy, Katherine Hepburn, Aubrey Hepburn, and, suprisingly, Paris Hilton? Why can't I shake the yearning to take over the world and have the world population wait on me hand and foot, fanning me with enormous palm leaves, and buying me anything I desire. I don't know. Some people call me crazy, psychotic, pyro-maniacal, bi-polar, or insane, but its just me. Over time I'm going to reveal the method to my madness, but for today, all I'm going to reveal is this; My one true goal in life, if the world domination thing doesn't work out, is to be famous for nothing, and be treated like royalty. All I Want to be is, quoting one of the people I just talked about, Loved By You. Every single person alive. I want to be a house hold name. Just you watch, one day I'll be smiling from the center of the stage at Grauman's Chinese.